Today is January 4 and a very important day in my life. It is the anniversary of the invention of roller skates. I have no idea who I would be without these little wheels attached to the bottom of shoes. Being a child of divorce led me to become an intervert and there weren't many places I could go that made me feel comfortable...but thanks to one girl in my past, the roller skating rink always made me feel at home.
As I say in my book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" "So Joyce started taking me to The Pink Rink, her lesbian skating rink. At first I was very nervous, but soon I realized these females were just normal women who happened to like other women. This element actually made it easier for me. Since I knew none of them would be interested in me, I could concentrate on being myself, improving my skating, bettering my initial interaction with females and hopefully on getting some confidence back.
These episodes with Joyce and her friends just reaffirmed once again that we are all basically the same. It also became my first interaction with women who were of varying backgrounds, cultures and races; and ones who had different religious beliefs. And soon I began to believe that we really could all get along.”
Yes, a lesbian helped me become the man I am today. She saw through the pain I had at the time and tried to help me, even though she was hurting at the time too. To read more about her, you should buy the book.
So to me that was a random act of kindness in itself. But that was nothing because she also helped me get accepted at a straight rink and that's where I met many of the friends I still have today.
This morning I posted on my facebook page the fact that roller skates were invented today and wondered out loud who I would be without them. One of longtime friends Carla answered with this: I would never have met you. My son would have a different Godfather. Someone else probably would have stood up as his dad's best man, when we married. Your life and who you are have far more impact than just those things in our lives, but I think they give you a bare-bones starting point from my POV on your life. My own life would have been far different, too (both from your absence and that of the skates!)
I view that as a random act of kindness, even though I asked the question.So in this time of economic woe, wars that we shouldn't be in and when most people only think of themselves, it was nice to know that I was still appreciated, at least by one person. And that I owed this all to the person who invented roller skates...
Monday, January 4, 2010
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A New Year With an Old Twist
Well, here we are only a few days from 2010.
It seems like only yesterday (okay 40 years has passed) that my second grade teacher had us write an essay about what life would be like when we reached 40 and what the year 2000 would bring. Back in 1969 none of us kids believed we would ever be 40 or beyond.
My stories were about what I would be doing--I wanted to be a photo-journalist or a soccer player. Well neither of those predictions came true, but that's okay. My life, although sprinkled with some difficult times, has been mostly what could have been expected. A few lost loves along the way, some trying times with friends and family, people coming, going and dying, and finally many good moments to remember.
When I was younger, in my twenties, New Years Eve was a big deal. We would go and celebrate with friends, drink too much, and always, always continue the traditions that were started by my family. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with, at midnight I would kiss whoever was next to me and then crunch down on creamed herring nestled on a saltine cracker--a ritual started by my Bohemian grandmother for good luck. Sometimes I had to bring my own...
Now that I am older things have changed. Midnight doesn't seem as important as it once did. The friends and family I once celebrated with are now gone, but not forgotten. Now I spend a relaxing night at home with my wife and son, wait around until 9:00 when they shoot off fireworks in the senior community behind my house, and am in bed long before it officially becomes the new year. However, I still kiss my wife and have some herring on a cracker for good luck, I just do it earlier.
I hope you all have some traditions that you keep going too...how about sharing them?
Since this blog is about acts of kindness, let's get to one. I wasn't looking for anything special to happen this week, most people are just too busy with themselves to even know others are still around. I was pleasantly surprised when I went onto facebook this morning and had an e-mail from a group I belong to "Get Your Blog Followers." It went on to say that I was a featured blogger this week and asked for the group to come by and read my last post about a past Christmas. Talk about being taken aback and humbled...
Thanks for the mention and the new followers that have been generated because of it. See even when you don't look for things to happen, sometimes they do. That is what I call a "genuine random act of kindness."
Look, a whole post without talking about my book...oops, I screwed that up. Well, if you like my stories here you should go to http://www.amazon.com/ and buy "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male." Or at least go to http://www.philipnork.com/ and read the reviews it has been getting.
I hope all of you have a great New Year, stay safe and remember what goes around comes around. By being able to give a random act of kindness, you will get one back sometime in the future. Until next Monday...
Phil
It seems like only yesterday (okay 40 years has passed) that my second grade teacher had us write an essay about what life would be like when we reached 40 and what the year 2000 would bring. Back in 1969 none of us kids believed we would ever be 40 or beyond.
My stories were about what I would be doing--I wanted to be a photo-journalist or a soccer player. Well neither of those predictions came true, but that's okay. My life, although sprinkled with some difficult times, has been mostly what could have been expected. A few lost loves along the way, some trying times with friends and family, people coming, going and dying, and finally many good moments to remember.
When I was younger, in my twenties, New Years Eve was a big deal. We would go and celebrate with friends, drink too much, and always, always continue the traditions that were started by my family. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with, at midnight I would kiss whoever was next to me and then crunch down on creamed herring nestled on a saltine cracker--a ritual started by my Bohemian grandmother for good luck. Sometimes I had to bring my own...
Now that I am older things have changed. Midnight doesn't seem as important as it once did. The friends and family I once celebrated with are now gone, but not forgotten. Now I spend a relaxing night at home with my wife and son, wait around until 9:00 when they shoot off fireworks in the senior community behind my house, and am in bed long before it officially becomes the new year. However, I still kiss my wife and have some herring on a cracker for good luck, I just do it earlier.
I hope you all have some traditions that you keep going too...how about sharing them?
Since this blog is about acts of kindness, let's get to one. I wasn't looking for anything special to happen this week, most people are just too busy with themselves to even know others are still around. I was pleasantly surprised when I went onto facebook this morning and had an e-mail from a group I belong to "Get Your Blog Followers." It went on to say that I was a featured blogger this week and asked for the group to come by and read my last post about a past Christmas. Talk about being taken aback and humbled...
Thanks for the mention and the new followers that have been generated because of it. See even when you don't look for things to happen, sometimes they do. That is what I call a "genuine random act of kindness."
Look, a whole post without talking about my book...oops, I screwed that up. Well, if you like my stories here you should go to http://www.amazon.com/ and buy "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male." Or at least go to http://www.philipnork.com/ and read the reviews it has been getting.
I hope all of you have a great New Year, stay safe and remember what goes around comes around. By being able to give a random act of kindness, you will get one back sometime in the future. Until next Monday...
Phil
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Remembering a Christmas Past
Just sitting here thinking about the upcoming holidays and that led me to recall some of celebrations from my youth. As I state in my book Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male "even though people were more communicative back in the day, there were still secrets kept which would never come to life. People enjoyed sharing the good times together; for the most part they kept the bad to themselves."
Even though there was a time when we were a "real family" I don't remember any Christmas parties until after my mom and dad got divorced. I guess that could be considered a bad part on my journey of self discovery. But what I do remember afterward really emphasizes what the holidays should be all about.
Being from a split family, we were able to celebrate Christmas three separate times.
On Christmas Eve, my mom would help us kids get dressed in our best outfits and then drive us to her parent's house. After loading the car with small hand-made presents for our grandparents and aunt and uncle, the four of us would be off for the 1/2 hour ride. We would all sing Christmas carols when they came on the radio and would smile and laugh the whole way there.
Once there, we would anxiously await for everyone to get home from work, mainly my uncle. He worked downtown and always got stuck in rush hour traffic, even on Christmas Eve. But lo and behold, by 4:00 we were all there waiting for the time that us kids could open our presents. For the longest time it was just three of us, but eventually more cousins came along, which made the wait even longer. Although we never received many presents, and mostly got clothes, the actual opening of these presents became very enjoyable and actually helped me to understand that Christmas really is for kids.
Once all the gifts were opened, dinner was served. We had ham and turkey, stuffing and all the sides I grew up loving--green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and fresh baked biscuits. The smells of this Christmas dinner always made me smile.
After cleaning up, the four us would get back into the car and my mom would drive us over to our other grandparent's house. Even though the divorce had happened, they still loved us and wanted to see us every year. So my mom would drop us off, sometimes coming in to say hi, and then go back to her parents house. Here at "the other grandparents" we would meet our cousins, try to get to know each other again and on a few rare occasions, see our father. He had left when I was around 8 or 9 and went on his own journey of self discovery. Most times that didn't include us kids.
One of the best times I remember was the year he actually showed up. I was twelve and wasn't expecting to see him at all. We arrived after the rest of the family had eaten, as usual. When we walked in, there he was sitting on the couch. My little sister ran up to him and gave him a hug, while my brother and I shook his hand--like big boys do. The four of us sat and talked for what seemed like hours.
Then it was time for presents. Every year my grandfather would "get called into work" just after all of us arrived. He never was able to see "Santa" when he came through the door carrying a big bag of toys for us and for our 7 cousins. One by one, he would hand out a single present, which we would open youngest to oldest after Santa left for the night. By the time it was my turn, somehow Grandpa always had returned from work.
This year in particular I got a small box--in it about a dozen slides to use on a microscope. Unfortunately, I had no microscope. My dad saw the look on my face and reassured me, after I said that Santa must have made a mistake, that all would be well. Well he was right. The first big present I got from my grandparents that year was that microscope. I also realized for the first time that Santa wasn't really Santa at all, but my grandfather in disguise. I kept that secret from the younger kids. Again as I say in the book "I got used to keeping secrets as I grew up."
One of the kids got a toboggan from Santa and as all the cousins, except for me and my uncle, who was one year older than me, sat down on it a picture was taken. Everyone was smiling and laughing--I still have that photo.
Dad took us home that night and kissed us good-bye.
The next morning we opened more presents, this time from the real Santa (Mom) and then went to have leftovers at her parent's house. We would help Grandma make ham salad, from the leftover ham from yesterday. She also had a tradition--there were two times a year, Christmas and New Years Eve, where all the adults would have to eat a small piece of creamed herring on a cracker. At Christmas it was to remind us that not everyone had it as good as we did, even though we didn't have it all that well. And at New Years Eve it was to welcome in the new year and hope that all our wishes came true. That was the first time I was involved in this ritual...I had finally become an adult.
This is what Christmas should be all about.
Throughout my journey of self discovery I've kept this memory with me. Now that all the grandparents, and even Dad, are dead and gone I still remember that Christmas.
I vowed that my children would have holidays just like that one...and he has. Christmas really is for kids, but it's for adults too. It helps us get through the hustle and bustle of our lives, it helps us relax among friends, and it rekindles memories of days gone by. And even though Christmas has changed since when I grew up, I still find it is my favorite holiday of the year.
Here's hoping you and yours have a great Holiday Season..
Phil
Even though there was a time when we were a "real family" I don't remember any Christmas parties until after my mom and dad got divorced. I guess that could be considered a bad part on my journey of self discovery. But what I do remember afterward really emphasizes what the holidays should be all about.
Being from a split family, we were able to celebrate Christmas three separate times.
On Christmas Eve, my mom would help us kids get dressed in our best outfits and then drive us to her parent's house. After loading the car with small hand-made presents for our grandparents and aunt and uncle, the four of us would be off for the 1/2 hour ride. We would all sing Christmas carols when they came on the radio and would smile and laugh the whole way there.
Once there, we would anxiously await for everyone to get home from work, mainly my uncle. He worked downtown and always got stuck in rush hour traffic, even on Christmas Eve. But lo and behold, by 4:00 we were all there waiting for the time that us kids could open our presents. For the longest time it was just three of us, but eventually more cousins came along, which made the wait even longer. Although we never received many presents, and mostly got clothes, the actual opening of these presents became very enjoyable and actually helped me to understand that Christmas really is for kids.
Once all the gifts were opened, dinner was served. We had ham and turkey, stuffing and all the sides I grew up loving--green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and fresh baked biscuits. The smells of this Christmas dinner always made me smile.
After cleaning up, the four us would get back into the car and my mom would drive us over to our other grandparent's house. Even though the divorce had happened, they still loved us and wanted to see us every year. So my mom would drop us off, sometimes coming in to say hi, and then go back to her parents house. Here at "the other grandparents" we would meet our cousins, try to get to know each other again and on a few rare occasions, see our father. He had left when I was around 8 or 9 and went on his own journey of self discovery. Most times that didn't include us kids.
One of the best times I remember was the year he actually showed up. I was twelve and wasn't expecting to see him at all. We arrived after the rest of the family had eaten, as usual. When we walked in, there he was sitting on the couch. My little sister ran up to him and gave him a hug, while my brother and I shook his hand--like big boys do. The four of us sat and talked for what seemed like hours.
Then it was time for presents. Every year my grandfather would "get called into work" just after all of us arrived. He never was able to see "Santa" when he came through the door carrying a big bag of toys for us and for our 7 cousins. One by one, he would hand out a single present, which we would open youngest to oldest after Santa left for the night. By the time it was my turn, somehow Grandpa always had returned from work.
This year in particular I got a small box--in it about a dozen slides to use on a microscope. Unfortunately, I had no microscope. My dad saw the look on my face and reassured me, after I said that Santa must have made a mistake, that all would be well. Well he was right. The first big present I got from my grandparents that year was that microscope. I also realized for the first time that Santa wasn't really Santa at all, but my grandfather in disguise. I kept that secret from the younger kids. Again as I say in the book "I got used to keeping secrets as I grew up."
One of the kids got a toboggan from Santa and as all the cousins, except for me and my uncle, who was one year older than me, sat down on it a picture was taken. Everyone was smiling and laughing--I still have that photo.
Dad took us home that night and kissed us good-bye.
The next morning we opened more presents, this time from the real Santa (Mom) and then went to have leftovers at her parent's house. We would help Grandma make ham salad, from the leftover ham from yesterday. She also had a tradition--there were two times a year, Christmas and New Years Eve, where all the adults would have to eat a small piece of creamed herring on a cracker. At Christmas it was to remind us that not everyone had it as good as we did, even though we didn't have it all that well. And at New Years Eve it was to welcome in the new year and hope that all our wishes came true. That was the first time I was involved in this ritual...I had finally become an adult.
This is what Christmas should be all about.
Throughout my journey of self discovery I've kept this memory with me. Now that all the grandparents, and even Dad, are dead and gone I still remember that Christmas.
I vowed that my children would have holidays just like that one...and he has. Christmas really is for kids, but it's for adults too. It helps us get through the hustle and bustle of our lives, it helps us relax among friends, and it rekindles memories of days gone by. And even though Christmas has changed since when I grew up, I still find it is my favorite holiday of the year.
Here's hoping you and yours have a great Holiday Season..
Phil
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