I know it has been a long time since my last post. I have been very busy with the editing of my second book "Sensitivity 202...Life Isn't All About You." I am hoping it will be out later this year. I also have re-published and changed the title of my first book. "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" will soon be "Sensitivity 101...The Search for Acceptance." Many book reviewers believe this will open up interest among women and those from divorced families better than the original title. It will have the same ISBN so you can still buy from any on-line retailer and get the new title automatically. It may take some time for the new cover to be added to Amazon and Barnes and Noble, etc.
By the way, "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" is ranked number 60 on the Amazon top sellers list under Inspirational books. I'm not sure how or why, but I'll take it.
I have also been getting many e-mails asking how the idea came to me. So for the next few months I will be posting every Monday a new section of "How the Idea originated." Here is the first one. I hope you all enjoy it and continue to support my writings.
I was on Facebook one night when I heard the beep--you know the one--and the IM pop-up box appeared. On the other end was a girl--now a lady--that I hadn't talked to in over 30 years. We had worked together at a McDonalds while we were in high school. She and I also shared some special time at a movie called "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" I'm sure some of you have heard about it. (But that's another story all together.)
Anyway, after exchanging some small talk we decided to call each other instead to "really connect." We started talking about my upcoming book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male". She had seen some of my posts about it and also had been to my website http://www.philipnork.com/ to investigate. One of the first questions she had for me was, 'How did this all start?"
I started to explain the story to her, in bits and pieces. Over the next few weeks we called each other every Wednesday night and I had another sidebar to tell her about. She was very surprised to find out she was actually in the book. It has to do with the before mentioned movie and what it meant to me. (It's chapter 23 for those of you who want to know.)
Here is the what I told her the first night--
Obviously the stories of "Sensitivity 101... started as I grew up, but as I did I pushed these memories way back into my brain for safe-keeping. They began to surface again when I moved my family from Illinois to Nevada. Not having many friends in a new place brought them to the forefront. They came to me by way of dreams at night. They were reoccuring that were so vivid I was sure I had gone back in time and was reliving them. The memories were there, but I still didn't know what to do with them.
That's it for this week. Every Monday I will continue the story. Or if you'd rather see the end result faster, just go to my website http://www.philipnork.com/ and take a look.
Until next Monday...
Phil
Showing posts with label self discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self discovery. Show all posts
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Trip Back to the Past Re-Energizes
In my book, "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male...Lessons Learned from the Fairer Sex" I tell you about my "Happy Place" and how I found it after listening to my first girlfriend as we discussed some anxious moments that I encountered. She told me to close my eyes and picture the one place I always felt safe and comfortable at. It's been a long time since I visited that location...but had a chance last week to re-explore it.
I had just returned from a week long business trip and was dreading the work week coming up. My days are full of e-mails, phone calls, and social media (both work and personal). I sometimes long for the days before "technology"...the days when you could actually get lost and no one could find you. Long before answering machines, pagers, cell phones and e-mails life seemed so much simpler and much easier to live.
On Sunday morning I couldn't wake up...my throat was sore, my head was pounding, and I was way too congested. I knew I was sick and that it would only get worse with time. I used all the energy I could muster and went to my computer...I sent a quick e-mail to my work team saying that I was going to be out for a few days and that they would need to find other means of help if they needed it. Then I went to my facebook page and stated that I wasn't going to post for a few days. Finally, I did the impossible...I turned off my cell phone.
For the next few days, I couldn't get out of bed. I slept, I tossed and turned, and I found myself alternating between being way too hot and way too cold. I thought I was miserable.
On Thursday I felt better, but still not well enough to get out of bed. I lay on my bed looking for a sign that all would be better. That's when I fell asleep and ended up back at my "Happy Place." I "awoke" and felt the bright sunshine beating down on my face. The aromas from my past--hamburgers being grilled on an open campfire, the smell of freshly cut green grass, and the lingering scent coming from the seaweed that had washed upon the beach over night--all were present. I knew I was in Wisconsin at my great-grandparent's cottage which meant so much to me as I grew up. After what seemed to me like being there forever, just taking in the view of the lake from the hillside I was laying on, I suddenly awoke for real. I was in my own bed, but was feeling much better.
The next day I woke up bright and early feeling totally refreshed...but I wasn't done yet. I dreaded turning on my cell phone and listening to all the recorded voicemails. I could not believe that after 5 days there were no voicemails at all. I did have one text message from a phone number that I didn't recognize. It said, "Hope you feel better soon...we all need rest sometime." When I tried to call the number, it was disconnected.
Next, I turned on my computer to await the hundreds of e-mails that I assumed were awaiting my return from the dead. On my work system, which normally handled over 100 e-mails a day, I was surprised to say the least when there were only 12 e-mails. No one besides my team knew I was sick...and in fact all eight of my team members sent me the same message..."Relax, you have trained us well...we'll take care of everything."
I wondered what was happening...could this be a hidden sign for me to understand?
As I clicked onto my personal e-mail, again I was surprised when only 20 e-mails showed up (many days I get well over 20 spam e-mails a day alone.) I clicked on some of the "important" ones and found out that there were no important ones at all. I was dumbfounded, but not as confused as I was about to become. The last e-mail bore the name of a person I did not know, but I felt compelled to open it. When I did, I read "Hope you feel better soon...we all need rest sometime." I attempted to reply to this e-mail, but was a little disappointed when I got a quick return saying that the e-mail address did not exist and could not be delivered.
I went to my facebook page to see many of my friends leaving me notes of encouragement and the hopes that my sickness would disappear quickly.
I went back to my bed to ponder what all this meant. This is what I came up...tell me your opinions of it, please!
In this world that moves way too fast sometimes, one where people feel much more important than they really are, and the feeling of not having anytime alone to themselves anymore, I was able to find out that all this is false. The world DOES move fast, but you control just how fast. I am no more important than anyone else in this world, and there is always time to go to your "Happy Place" if you make the effort.
I say in my book that God works in miraculous ways...and I believe this was His way of saying to me "Slow down and relax..." I don't know if God knows how to text message, or how to send e-mails, or can control how much others need you from time to time, but I do know He cares for all of us...and sometimes interacts with you to allow you to make the best of it.
Till next week,
Phil
I had just returned from a week long business trip and was dreading the work week coming up. My days are full of e-mails, phone calls, and social media (both work and personal). I sometimes long for the days before "technology"...the days when you could actually get lost and no one could find you. Long before answering machines, pagers, cell phones and e-mails life seemed so much simpler and much easier to live.
On Sunday morning I couldn't wake up...my throat was sore, my head was pounding, and I was way too congested. I knew I was sick and that it would only get worse with time. I used all the energy I could muster and went to my computer...I sent a quick e-mail to my work team saying that I was going to be out for a few days and that they would need to find other means of help if they needed it. Then I went to my facebook page and stated that I wasn't going to post for a few days. Finally, I did the impossible...I turned off my cell phone.
For the next few days, I couldn't get out of bed. I slept, I tossed and turned, and I found myself alternating between being way too hot and way too cold. I thought I was miserable.
On Thursday I felt better, but still not well enough to get out of bed. I lay on my bed looking for a sign that all would be better. That's when I fell asleep and ended up back at my "Happy Place." I "awoke" and felt the bright sunshine beating down on my face. The aromas from my past--hamburgers being grilled on an open campfire, the smell of freshly cut green grass, and the lingering scent coming from the seaweed that had washed upon the beach over night--all were present. I knew I was in Wisconsin at my great-grandparent's cottage which meant so much to me as I grew up. After what seemed to me like being there forever, just taking in the view of the lake from the hillside I was laying on, I suddenly awoke for real. I was in my own bed, but was feeling much better.
The next day I woke up bright and early feeling totally refreshed...but I wasn't done yet. I dreaded turning on my cell phone and listening to all the recorded voicemails. I could not believe that after 5 days there were no voicemails at all. I did have one text message from a phone number that I didn't recognize. It said, "Hope you feel better soon...we all need rest sometime." When I tried to call the number, it was disconnected.
Next, I turned on my computer to await the hundreds of e-mails that I assumed were awaiting my return from the dead. On my work system, which normally handled over 100 e-mails a day, I was surprised to say the least when there were only 12 e-mails. No one besides my team knew I was sick...and in fact all eight of my team members sent me the same message..."Relax, you have trained us well...we'll take care of everything."
I wondered what was happening...could this be a hidden sign for me to understand?
As I clicked onto my personal e-mail, again I was surprised when only 20 e-mails showed up (many days I get well over 20 spam e-mails a day alone.) I clicked on some of the "important" ones and found out that there were no important ones at all. I was dumbfounded, but not as confused as I was about to become. The last e-mail bore the name of a person I did not know, but I felt compelled to open it. When I did, I read "Hope you feel better soon...we all need rest sometime." I attempted to reply to this e-mail, but was a little disappointed when I got a quick return saying that the e-mail address did not exist and could not be delivered.
I went to my facebook page to see many of my friends leaving me notes of encouragement and the hopes that my sickness would disappear quickly.
I went back to my bed to ponder what all this meant. This is what I came up...tell me your opinions of it, please!
In this world that moves way too fast sometimes, one where people feel much more important than they really are, and the feeling of not having anytime alone to themselves anymore, I was able to find out that all this is false. The world DOES move fast, but you control just how fast. I am no more important than anyone else in this world, and there is always time to go to your "Happy Place" if you make the effort.
I say in my book that God works in miraculous ways...and I believe this was His way of saying to me "Slow down and relax..." I don't know if God knows how to text message, or how to send e-mails, or can control how much others need you from time to time, but I do know He cares for all of us...and sometimes interacts with you to allow you to make the best of it.
Till next week,
Phil
Monday, January 18, 2010
Chapter By Chapter We Go...
Happy Monday!!!
I was trying to decide what to write today and not much was coming to mind. The weekend was a bust with 2 of the 4 football teams I root for losing, it's raining here in Vegas and I'm just not too motivated without the sunshine. So let's start with Chapter One of "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male."
"Jenna" was a girl I went to school with. As I say in the book "All through first grade I was in the same class as Jenna. She was a short, roundish shaped girl who had a beautiful personality. She was the most popular girl in our class and the prettiest. She had long blonde hair that her mom put up in pigtails, and always tied with green ribbons. Jenna had freckles on her nose and under her eyes and always seemed to have a radiating glow around her.
Being that we were both smart, Jenna and I were always in the same groups. I often made her laugh with the silly things I did. I had a crush on her but didn’t know what to do about it. I remembered the talk Nana and I had about being different, sincere, and making people feel special.
One spring morning, my mom had the radio on during breakfast and the song Up, Up and Away came on. It was a catchy tune, even to a six year old, so I found myself humming it on the way to school. When I reached the schoolyard, all of my classmates were waiting outside for the bell to go in. Th is was my opportunity to make Jenna feel special and to let her know how I felt about her.
Now I wasn’t a great singer or even a good one, but I put a lot of feeling into everything I did. I started to sing, “Up, up and away with my beautiful, my beautiful Jenna” to the melody in my head. The other kids looked at me like I was crazy, but Jenna had a cute little smile on her face."
Here is a video of the original song--see if you don't feel the same way I did back then.
See now didn't that make you feel better on a rainy day?
Now for the random act of kindness this week. Again it involves me. I woke up on Sunday morning and opened my e-mail box to see an incoming letter for me. It was http://www.authors.com/ an online community I belong to. I was made a featured author by the owners of this site. What a surprise!
Since then I've had many other e-mails from the other members of http://www.authors.com/ congratulating me. Again, I feel special and humbled to be recognized for my efforts.
At least that took away some of the pain of the football losses.
I was trying to decide what to write today and not much was coming to mind. The weekend was a bust with 2 of the 4 football teams I root for losing, it's raining here in Vegas and I'm just not too motivated without the sunshine. So let's start with Chapter One of "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male."
"Jenna" was a girl I went to school with. As I say in the book "All through first grade I was in the same class as Jenna. She was a short, roundish shaped girl who had a beautiful personality. She was the most popular girl in our class and the prettiest. She had long blonde hair that her mom put up in pigtails, and always tied with green ribbons. Jenna had freckles on her nose and under her eyes and always seemed to have a radiating glow around her.
Being that we were both smart, Jenna and I were always in the same groups. I often made her laugh with the silly things I did. I had a crush on her but didn’t know what to do about it. I remembered the talk Nana and I had about being different, sincere, and making people feel special.
One spring morning, my mom had the radio on during breakfast and the song Up, Up and Away came on. It was a catchy tune, even to a six year old, so I found myself humming it on the way to school. When I reached the schoolyard, all of my classmates were waiting outside for the bell to go in. Th is was my opportunity to make Jenna feel special and to let her know how I felt about her.
Now I wasn’t a great singer or even a good one, but I put a lot of feeling into everything I did. I started to sing, “Up, up and away with my beautiful, my beautiful Jenna” to the melody in my head. The other kids looked at me like I was crazy, but Jenna had a cute little smile on her face."
Here is a video of the original song--see if you don't feel the same way I did back then.
See now didn't that make you feel better on a rainy day?
Now for the random act of kindness this week. Again it involves me. I woke up on Sunday morning and opened my e-mail box to see an incoming letter for me. It was http://www.authors.com/ an online community I belong to. I was made a featured author by the owners of this site. What a surprise!
Since then I've had many other e-mails from the other members of http://www.authors.com/ congratulating me. Again, I feel special and humbled to be recognized for my efforts.
At least that took away some of the pain of the football losses.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Happy Birthday Roller Skates
Today is January 4 and a very important day in my life. It is the anniversary of the invention of roller skates. I have no idea who I would be without these little wheels attached to the bottom of shoes. Being a child of divorce led me to become an intervert and there weren't many places I could go that made me feel comfortable...but thanks to one girl in my past, the roller skating rink always made me feel at home.
As I say in my book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" "So Joyce started taking me to The Pink Rink, her lesbian skating rink. At first I was very nervous, but soon I realized these females were just normal women who happened to like other women. This element actually made it easier for me. Since I knew none of them would be interested in me, I could concentrate on being myself, improving my skating, bettering my initial interaction with females and hopefully on getting some confidence back.
These episodes with Joyce and her friends just reaffirmed once again that we are all basically the same. It also became my first interaction with women who were of varying backgrounds, cultures and races; and ones who had different religious beliefs. And soon I began to believe that we really could all get along.”
Yes, a lesbian helped me become the man I am today. She saw through the pain I had at the time and tried to help me, even though she was hurting at the time too. To read more about her, you should buy the book.
So to me that was a random act of kindness in itself. But that was nothing because she also helped me get accepted at a straight rink and that's where I met many of the friends I still have today.
This morning I posted on my facebook page the fact that roller skates were invented today and wondered out loud who I would be without them. One of longtime friends Carla answered with this: I would never have met you. My son would have a different Godfather. Someone else probably would have stood up as his dad's best man, when we married. Your life and who you are have far more impact than just those things in our lives, but I think they give you a bare-bones starting point from my POV on your life. My own life would have been far different, too (both from your absence and that of the skates!)
I view that as a random act of kindness, even though I asked the question.So in this time of economic woe, wars that we shouldn't be in and when most people only think of themselves, it was nice to know that I was still appreciated, at least by one person. And that I owed this all to the person who invented roller skates...
As I say in my book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" "So Joyce started taking me to The Pink Rink, her lesbian skating rink. At first I was very nervous, but soon I realized these females were just normal women who happened to like other women. This element actually made it easier for me. Since I knew none of them would be interested in me, I could concentrate on being myself, improving my skating, bettering my initial interaction with females and hopefully on getting some confidence back.
These episodes with Joyce and her friends just reaffirmed once again that we are all basically the same. It also became my first interaction with women who were of varying backgrounds, cultures and races; and ones who had different religious beliefs. And soon I began to believe that we really could all get along.”
Yes, a lesbian helped me become the man I am today. She saw through the pain I had at the time and tried to help me, even though she was hurting at the time too. To read more about her, you should buy the book.
So to me that was a random act of kindness in itself. But that was nothing because she also helped me get accepted at a straight rink and that's where I met many of the friends I still have today.
This morning I posted on my facebook page the fact that roller skates were invented today and wondered out loud who I would be without them. One of longtime friends Carla answered with this: I would never have met you. My son would have a different Godfather. Someone else probably would have stood up as his dad's best man, when we married. Your life and who you are have far more impact than just those things in our lives, but I think they give you a bare-bones starting point from my POV on your life. My own life would have been far different, too (both from your absence and that of the skates!)
I view that as a random act of kindness, even though I asked the question.So in this time of economic woe, wars that we shouldn't be in and when most people only think of themselves, it was nice to know that I was still appreciated, at least by one person. And that I owed this all to the person who invented roller skates...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A New Year With an Old Twist
Well, here we are only a few days from 2010.
It seems like only yesterday (okay 40 years has passed) that my second grade teacher had us write an essay about what life would be like when we reached 40 and what the year 2000 would bring. Back in 1969 none of us kids believed we would ever be 40 or beyond.
My stories were about what I would be doing--I wanted to be a photo-journalist or a soccer player. Well neither of those predictions came true, but that's okay. My life, although sprinkled with some difficult times, has been mostly what could have been expected. A few lost loves along the way, some trying times with friends and family, people coming, going and dying, and finally many good moments to remember.
When I was younger, in my twenties, New Years Eve was a big deal. We would go and celebrate with friends, drink too much, and always, always continue the traditions that were started by my family. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with, at midnight I would kiss whoever was next to me and then crunch down on creamed herring nestled on a saltine cracker--a ritual started by my Bohemian grandmother for good luck. Sometimes I had to bring my own...
Now that I am older things have changed. Midnight doesn't seem as important as it once did. The friends and family I once celebrated with are now gone, but not forgotten. Now I spend a relaxing night at home with my wife and son, wait around until 9:00 when they shoot off fireworks in the senior community behind my house, and am in bed long before it officially becomes the new year. However, I still kiss my wife and have some herring on a cracker for good luck, I just do it earlier.
I hope you all have some traditions that you keep going too...how about sharing them?
Since this blog is about acts of kindness, let's get to one. I wasn't looking for anything special to happen this week, most people are just too busy with themselves to even know others are still around. I was pleasantly surprised when I went onto facebook this morning and had an e-mail from a group I belong to "Get Your Blog Followers." It went on to say that I was a featured blogger this week and asked for the group to come by and read my last post about a past Christmas. Talk about being taken aback and humbled...
Thanks for the mention and the new followers that have been generated because of it. See even when you don't look for things to happen, sometimes they do. That is what I call a "genuine random act of kindness."
Look, a whole post without talking about my book...oops, I screwed that up. Well, if you like my stories here you should go to http://www.amazon.com/ and buy "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male." Or at least go to http://www.philipnork.com/ and read the reviews it has been getting.
I hope all of you have a great New Year, stay safe and remember what goes around comes around. By being able to give a random act of kindness, you will get one back sometime in the future. Until next Monday...
Phil
It seems like only yesterday (okay 40 years has passed) that my second grade teacher had us write an essay about what life would be like when we reached 40 and what the year 2000 would bring. Back in 1969 none of us kids believed we would ever be 40 or beyond.
My stories were about what I would be doing--I wanted to be a photo-journalist or a soccer player. Well neither of those predictions came true, but that's okay. My life, although sprinkled with some difficult times, has been mostly what could have been expected. A few lost loves along the way, some trying times with friends and family, people coming, going and dying, and finally many good moments to remember.
When I was younger, in my twenties, New Years Eve was a big deal. We would go and celebrate with friends, drink too much, and always, always continue the traditions that were started by my family. It didn't matter where I was or who I was with, at midnight I would kiss whoever was next to me and then crunch down on creamed herring nestled on a saltine cracker--a ritual started by my Bohemian grandmother for good luck. Sometimes I had to bring my own...
Now that I am older things have changed. Midnight doesn't seem as important as it once did. The friends and family I once celebrated with are now gone, but not forgotten. Now I spend a relaxing night at home with my wife and son, wait around until 9:00 when they shoot off fireworks in the senior community behind my house, and am in bed long before it officially becomes the new year. However, I still kiss my wife and have some herring on a cracker for good luck, I just do it earlier.
I hope you all have some traditions that you keep going too...how about sharing them?
Since this blog is about acts of kindness, let's get to one. I wasn't looking for anything special to happen this week, most people are just too busy with themselves to even know others are still around. I was pleasantly surprised when I went onto facebook this morning and had an e-mail from a group I belong to "Get Your Blog Followers." It went on to say that I was a featured blogger this week and asked for the group to come by and read my last post about a past Christmas. Talk about being taken aback and humbled...
Thanks for the mention and the new followers that have been generated because of it. See even when you don't look for things to happen, sometimes they do. That is what I call a "genuine random act of kindness."
Look, a whole post without talking about my book...oops, I screwed that up. Well, if you like my stories here you should go to http://www.amazon.com/ and buy "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male." Or at least go to http://www.philipnork.com/ and read the reviews it has been getting.
I hope all of you have a great New Year, stay safe and remember what goes around comes around. By being able to give a random act of kindness, you will get one back sometime in the future. Until next Monday...
Phil
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Remembering a Christmas Past
Just sitting here thinking about the upcoming holidays and that led me to recall some of celebrations from my youth. As I state in my book Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male "even though people were more communicative back in the day, there were still secrets kept which would never come to life. People enjoyed sharing the good times together; for the most part they kept the bad to themselves."
Even though there was a time when we were a "real family" I don't remember any Christmas parties until after my mom and dad got divorced. I guess that could be considered a bad part on my journey of self discovery. But what I do remember afterward really emphasizes what the holidays should be all about.
Being from a split family, we were able to celebrate Christmas three separate times.
On Christmas Eve, my mom would help us kids get dressed in our best outfits and then drive us to her parent's house. After loading the car with small hand-made presents for our grandparents and aunt and uncle, the four of us would be off for the 1/2 hour ride. We would all sing Christmas carols when they came on the radio and would smile and laugh the whole way there.
Once there, we would anxiously await for everyone to get home from work, mainly my uncle. He worked downtown and always got stuck in rush hour traffic, even on Christmas Eve. But lo and behold, by 4:00 we were all there waiting for the time that us kids could open our presents. For the longest time it was just three of us, but eventually more cousins came along, which made the wait even longer. Although we never received many presents, and mostly got clothes, the actual opening of these presents became very enjoyable and actually helped me to understand that Christmas really is for kids.
Once all the gifts were opened, dinner was served. We had ham and turkey, stuffing and all the sides I grew up loving--green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and fresh baked biscuits. The smells of this Christmas dinner always made me smile.
After cleaning up, the four us would get back into the car and my mom would drive us over to our other grandparent's house. Even though the divorce had happened, they still loved us and wanted to see us every year. So my mom would drop us off, sometimes coming in to say hi, and then go back to her parents house. Here at "the other grandparents" we would meet our cousins, try to get to know each other again and on a few rare occasions, see our father. He had left when I was around 8 or 9 and went on his own journey of self discovery. Most times that didn't include us kids.
One of the best times I remember was the year he actually showed up. I was twelve and wasn't expecting to see him at all. We arrived after the rest of the family had eaten, as usual. When we walked in, there he was sitting on the couch. My little sister ran up to him and gave him a hug, while my brother and I shook his hand--like big boys do. The four of us sat and talked for what seemed like hours.
Then it was time for presents. Every year my grandfather would "get called into work" just after all of us arrived. He never was able to see "Santa" when he came through the door carrying a big bag of toys for us and for our 7 cousins. One by one, he would hand out a single present, which we would open youngest to oldest after Santa left for the night. By the time it was my turn, somehow Grandpa always had returned from work.
This year in particular I got a small box--in it about a dozen slides to use on a microscope. Unfortunately, I had no microscope. My dad saw the look on my face and reassured me, after I said that Santa must have made a mistake, that all would be well. Well he was right. The first big present I got from my grandparents that year was that microscope. I also realized for the first time that Santa wasn't really Santa at all, but my grandfather in disguise. I kept that secret from the younger kids. Again as I say in the book "I got used to keeping secrets as I grew up."
One of the kids got a toboggan from Santa and as all the cousins, except for me and my uncle, who was one year older than me, sat down on it a picture was taken. Everyone was smiling and laughing--I still have that photo.
Dad took us home that night and kissed us good-bye.
The next morning we opened more presents, this time from the real Santa (Mom) and then went to have leftovers at her parent's house. We would help Grandma make ham salad, from the leftover ham from yesterday. She also had a tradition--there were two times a year, Christmas and New Years Eve, where all the adults would have to eat a small piece of creamed herring on a cracker. At Christmas it was to remind us that not everyone had it as good as we did, even though we didn't have it all that well. And at New Years Eve it was to welcome in the new year and hope that all our wishes came true. That was the first time I was involved in this ritual...I had finally become an adult.
This is what Christmas should be all about.
Throughout my journey of self discovery I've kept this memory with me. Now that all the grandparents, and even Dad, are dead and gone I still remember that Christmas.
I vowed that my children would have holidays just like that one...and he has. Christmas really is for kids, but it's for adults too. It helps us get through the hustle and bustle of our lives, it helps us relax among friends, and it rekindles memories of days gone by. And even though Christmas has changed since when I grew up, I still find it is my favorite holiday of the year.
Here's hoping you and yours have a great Holiday Season..
Phil
Even though there was a time when we were a "real family" I don't remember any Christmas parties until after my mom and dad got divorced. I guess that could be considered a bad part on my journey of self discovery. But what I do remember afterward really emphasizes what the holidays should be all about.
Being from a split family, we were able to celebrate Christmas three separate times.
On Christmas Eve, my mom would help us kids get dressed in our best outfits and then drive us to her parent's house. After loading the car with small hand-made presents for our grandparents and aunt and uncle, the four of us would be off for the 1/2 hour ride. We would all sing Christmas carols when they came on the radio and would smile and laugh the whole way there.
Once there, we would anxiously await for everyone to get home from work, mainly my uncle. He worked downtown and always got stuck in rush hour traffic, even on Christmas Eve. But lo and behold, by 4:00 we were all there waiting for the time that us kids could open our presents. For the longest time it was just three of us, but eventually more cousins came along, which made the wait even longer. Although we never received many presents, and mostly got clothes, the actual opening of these presents became very enjoyable and actually helped me to understand that Christmas really is for kids.
Once all the gifts were opened, dinner was served. We had ham and turkey, stuffing and all the sides I grew up loving--green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and fresh baked biscuits. The smells of this Christmas dinner always made me smile.
After cleaning up, the four us would get back into the car and my mom would drive us over to our other grandparent's house. Even though the divorce had happened, they still loved us and wanted to see us every year. So my mom would drop us off, sometimes coming in to say hi, and then go back to her parents house. Here at "the other grandparents" we would meet our cousins, try to get to know each other again and on a few rare occasions, see our father. He had left when I was around 8 or 9 and went on his own journey of self discovery. Most times that didn't include us kids.
One of the best times I remember was the year he actually showed up. I was twelve and wasn't expecting to see him at all. We arrived after the rest of the family had eaten, as usual. When we walked in, there he was sitting on the couch. My little sister ran up to him and gave him a hug, while my brother and I shook his hand--like big boys do. The four of us sat and talked for what seemed like hours.
Then it was time for presents. Every year my grandfather would "get called into work" just after all of us arrived. He never was able to see "Santa" when he came through the door carrying a big bag of toys for us and for our 7 cousins. One by one, he would hand out a single present, which we would open youngest to oldest after Santa left for the night. By the time it was my turn, somehow Grandpa always had returned from work.
This year in particular I got a small box--in it about a dozen slides to use on a microscope. Unfortunately, I had no microscope. My dad saw the look on my face and reassured me, after I said that Santa must have made a mistake, that all would be well. Well he was right. The first big present I got from my grandparents that year was that microscope. I also realized for the first time that Santa wasn't really Santa at all, but my grandfather in disguise. I kept that secret from the younger kids. Again as I say in the book "I got used to keeping secrets as I grew up."
One of the kids got a toboggan from Santa and as all the cousins, except for me and my uncle, who was one year older than me, sat down on it a picture was taken. Everyone was smiling and laughing--I still have that photo.
Dad took us home that night and kissed us good-bye.
The next morning we opened more presents, this time from the real Santa (Mom) and then went to have leftovers at her parent's house. We would help Grandma make ham salad, from the leftover ham from yesterday. She also had a tradition--there were two times a year, Christmas and New Years Eve, where all the adults would have to eat a small piece of creamed herring on a cracker. At Christmas it was to remind us that not everyone had it as good as we did, even though we didn't have it all that well. And at New Years Eve it was to welcome in the new year and hope that all our wishes came true. That was the first time I was involved in this ritual...I had finally become an adult.
This is what Christmas should be all about.
Throughout my journey of self discovery I've kept this memory with me. Now that all the grandparents, and even Dad, are dead and gone I still remember that Christmas.
I vowed that my children would have holidays just like that one...and he has. Christmas really is for kids, but it's for adults too. It helps us get through the hustle and bustle of our lives, it helps us relax among friends, and it rekindles memories of days gone by. And even though Christmas has changed since when I grew up, I still find it is my favorite holiday of the year.
Here's hoping you and yours have a great Holiday Season..
Phil
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
A New Review for Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male and a Random Act of Kindness All Rolled up in One
Well, another week has gone by and I'm behind the times again. I wanted to post this newest review of my book...another review with another opinion. It never stops amazing me how everyone who reads the book comes away with something new...guess that is a good thing. Here is part of the review.
"...A delicate and intimate coming of age story...I applaud the author for the originality of the story and looking back in a nurturing and humanizing way."
Read the whole review at Author Exposure.
I was looking very hard for a random act of kindness the whole week, but something strange happened. I couldn't find one. All week at work I searched, but all I found was that the Holiday season this year has brought out the worst of people. Fighting, yelling, and lack of manners actually was the norm. I was out of ideas and patience so didn't leave my house over the weekend.
That's when it happened. I woke up on Sunday morning to an e-mail, the one containing my review from above. After reading it I had found my act...
The last line of the review is "In fact, a change in the title and cover and the author could target a neglected topic within the young adult market."
Never in a million years would I have guessed that the subject of my book could actually be accepted by that audience. But after talking to a few parents who had read the book, I was more than happy to find out that they did indeed let their 16 years and older read the story. They said the message was one they wanted their kids to hear about, although some of content was more to an adults liking.
So I spent yesterday adapting a R rated book into a PG one (That's why I am late with this post.) I sent it to the same parents and already have recieved two thumbs up from one of them. The book now can marketed to the YA and Christian markets.
So I thank Author Exposure for a great review AND a new idea, along with a great quote to use on both my book covers when I redesign in January.
I guess there really are good people left in the world.
Till next week,
Phil
"...A delicate and intimate coming of age story...I applaud the author for the originality of the story and looking back in a nurturing and humanizing way."
Read the whole review at Author Exposure.
I was looking very hard for a random act of kindness the whole week, but something strange happened. I couldn't find one. All week at work I searched, but all I found was that the Holiday season this year has brought out the worst of people. Fighting, yelling, and lack of manners actually was the norm. I was out of ideas and patience so didn't leave my house over the weekend.
That's when it happened. I woke up on Sunday morning to an e-mail, the one containing my review from above. After reading it I had found my act...
The last line of the review is "In fact, a change in the title and cover and the author could target a neglected topic within the young adult market."
Never in a million years would I have guessed that the subject of my book could actually be accepted by that audience. But after talking to a few parents who had read the book, I was more than happy to find out that they did indeed let their 16 years and older read the story. They said the message was one they wanted their kids to hear about, although some of content was more to an adults liking.
So I spent yesterday adapting a R rated book into a PG one (That's why I am late with this post.) I sent it to the same parents and already have recieved two thumbs up from one of them. The book now can marketed to the YA and Christian markets.
So I thank Author Exposure for a great review AND a new idea, along with a great quote to use on both my book covers when I redesign in January.
I guess there really are good people left in the world.
Till next week,
Phil
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Random Acts of Kindness
Well I'm back...and so soon. Still trying to get the hang of all this. I said that I wanted to share random acts of kindness with you, but what is a random act of kindness? I think this explains it very well...
With a better understanding now, I would like to share something that happened today on my never ending journey of self discovery. I went to work, was extremely upset at some of the drivers of the world and wasn't all that happy. As soon as I entered my area, I had people smiling at me, laughing together and having a great time. It was about this time I realized that they had some Christmas music on the background and had just finished wrapping small presents for co-workers.
I didn't pay much attention until one of them came over, placed a bigger box in front of me and said, "This is from all of us here at Centennial CDS to you." I was not expecting anything as "the boss", but after opening the box and seeing something I would never have bought for myself--a beautiful rain resistant jacket--I actually found myself smiling and feeling better. These wonderful people who work under me, listen to my ranting and raving, and who I thought just tolerated me, got together in this difficult economic time, and thought of someone else--me!
I can't thank them enough for this gift. Not the jacket--it is nice though! But for the feeling of acceptance they let me feel. As I said in my book 'Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male' "there are two things that all humans desire: to be accepted for who you are and to be happy."
Today I feel both of them. Thank you CDS of Centennial Nevada for helping me get the holiday spirit back, and for the jacket!
With a better understanding now, I would like to share something that happened today on my never ending journey of self discovery. I went to work, was extremely upset at some of the drivers of the world and wasn't all that happy. As soon as I entered my area, I had people smiling at me, laughing together and having a great time. It was about this time I realized that they had some Christmas music on the background and had just finished wrapping small presents for co-workers.
I didn't pay much attention until one of them came over, placed a bigger box in front of me and said, "This is from all of us here at Centennial CDS to you." I was not expecting anything as "the boss", but after opening the box and seeing something I would never have bought for myself--a beautiful rain resistant jacket--I actually found myself smiling and feeling better. These wonderful people who work under me, listen to my ranting and raving, and who I thought just tolerated me, got together in this difficult economic time, and thought of someone else--me!
I can't thank them enough for this gift. Not the jacket--it is nice though! But for the feeling of acceptance they let me feel. As I said in my book 'Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male' "there are two things that all humans desire: to be accepted for who you are and to be happy."
Today I feel both of them. Thank you CDS of Centennial Nevada for helping me get the holiday spirit back, and for the jacket!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Journey of Self Discovery begins again...
So here we go again...
With the holidays coming up quickly and my book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" out and available, I needed to come up with a new vehicle to help get my message out.
As I say in the book "This life we live should be an easy one. There are only three things that should be focused on-learning, sharing, and helping." So going forward, hopefully every Monday, I will "teach" and "share" with you the chapters of my book and the lessons that they have. And then I will also try to include some real life acts of kindness I encounter throughout the week. I hope this allows you to see how we do indeed "help" others.
The first thing I have to tell you about is that 10% of my profits are going to a wonderful organization, The Children's Miracle Network. When I started working for a company that is deeply invloved with Costco Wholesale, I learned about this charity and fell in love with the idea. CMN helps raise needed revenue for children's hospitals in the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Ireland and Australia. I believe that "children are our future and that their health should be all of our concern." So each quarter when I recieve my royalty check the first thing I do is write a personal one to this charity. It feels good to help others when you can. And you as my readers are doing your part just by buying the book.
In fact for the month of December, I am donating 25% of my profits to this organization. So give the gift that actually gives twice as much. We all know a book lasts far longer than a box of chocolates.
I also want to share with you how my acknowledgements page came to be. I have learned a great deal from the people that I have met in my life. Some of the most important ones were the "actual girls (now ladies) that influenced the characters" of Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male. Without them I would not be the person I am today. On the start of this journey I sent some bad manuscripts out to some very understanding editors who all told me "This is bad...can't help you...are you sure you are a writer?" Their rejections just made me work harder and prove them wrong. Thankfully an editor, Cliff Carle, came along and saw the "talent" that was hidden by my lack of writing skills. With his patience and teaching I was able to pick up this thing called writing and lo and behold found out I was indeed a writer, I just needed to develop this talent.
All of these people taught me something, shared their individual expertise with me and were able to help me on this journey...and know I can help the people of CMN when you buy my book. See how the circle works?
That's enough about the book this time. Now let me share a story that happened to me on a plane trip recently from Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada.
I was sitting in the waiting area, and man was it crowded! There were only a few empty seats and none together. There was an empty seat next to me and across from there was another one next to a very pretty lady. I was "reading" my book and she saw the title so we started talking. About 10 minutes before loading the plane an elderly couple, probably both in their eighties, strolled into the waiting area looking for a place to sit. As they got closer to me, I politely stood up and offered them the two seats together. As they thanked me, the pretty lady (Kelly was her name) asked me to sit next to her. We continued talking about my book until we were told to "line up."
I am a frequent flyer and always use the airline that has no assigned seats. Being that I fly so much I am always one of the first ones on the plane. This time was no different and in fact Kelly was also right behind me in line.
So I entered the plane, found an aisle seat and sat back waiting for all the others to come on board. Kelly also found an aisle seat right in front of me and did the same. Slowly, very slowly, the plane started to fill up--so much so that when the last two people entered the plane there were only 2 empty seats available. One up front, the other way in the back. As luck would have it the same elderly couple I ran into before were the last two people on board.
The seats next to me were taken, but the seat next to Kelly was one of the empty seats. I saw her slowly get up as she saw the couple enter the plane and she waited until they were right next to her when she said, "Here take my seat, the one in the back is too far away, and besides I wouldn't want to split up such a lovely couple."
As the couple once again gave thanks for a friendly person, I opened my bag which contained extra copies of my book. I reached in and pulled out a hardcover copy, autographed it, and handed it to the flight attendant to give to Kelly after take-off.
Much to my surprise the flight attendant addressed what had happened over the intercom...long story short--Kelly got a free book and I was able to sell 50 more thanks to the flight attendant.
Once again, the circle of one good turn deserves another, worked it's magic...
So that's how this will work. I will talk about a chapter from "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" and then share a "good deed" that I encountered from the week. I look forward to your commnets and your experiences, remember we are all in this together!
I hope we can all learn, share and help together!
Till later, Phil
With the holidays coming up quickly and my book "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" out and available, I needed to come up with a new vehicle to help get my message out.
As I say in the book "This life we live should be an easy one. There are only three things that should be focused on-learning, sharing, and helping." So going forward, hopefully every Monday, I will "teach" and "share" with you the chapters of my book and the lessons that they have. And then I will also try to include some real life acts of kindness I encounter throughout the week. I hope this allows you to see how we do indeed "help" others.
The first thing I have to tell you about is that 10% of my profits are going to a wonderful organization, The Children's Miracle Network. When I started working for a company that is deeply invloved with Costco Wholesale, I learned about this charity and fell in love with the idea. CMN helps raise needed revenue for children's hospitals in the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Ireland and Australia. I believe that "children are our future and that their health should be all of our concern." So each quarter when I recieve my royalty check the first thing I do is write a personal one to this charity. It feels good to help others when you can. And you as my readers are doing your part just by buying the book.
In fact for the month of December, I am donating 25% of my profits to this organization. So give the gift that actually gives twice as much. We all know a book lasts far longer than a box of chocolates.
I also want to share with you how my acknowledgements page came to be. I have learned a great deal from the people that I have met in my life. Some of the most important ones were the "actual girls (now ladies) that influenced the characters" of Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male. Without them I would not be the person I am today. On the start of this journey I sent some bad manuscripts out to some very understanding editors who all told me "This is bad...can't help you...are you sure you are a writer?" Their rejections just made me work harder and prove them wrong. Thankfully an editor, Cliff Carle, came along and saw the "talent" that was hidden by my lack of writing skills. With his patience and teaching I was able to pick up this thing called writing and lo and behold found out I was indeed a writer, I just needed to develop this talent.
All of these people taught me something, shared their individual expertise with me and were able to help me on this journey...and know I can help the people of CMN when you buy my book. See how the circle works?
That's enough about the book this time. Now let me share a story that happened to me on a plane trip recently from Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada.
I was sitting in the waiting area, and man was it crowded! There were only a few empty seats and none together. There was an empty seat next to me and across from there was another one next to a very pretty lady. I was "reading" my book and she saw the title so we started talking. About 10 minutes before loading the plane an elderly couple, probably both in their eighties, strolled into the waiting area looking for a place to sit. As they got closer to me, I politely stood up and offered them the two seats together. As they thanked me, the pretty lady (Kelly was her name) asked me to sit next to her. We continued talking about my book until we were told to "line up."
I am a frequent flyer and always use the airline that has no assigned seats. Being that I fly so much I am always one of the first ones on the plane. This time was no different and in fact Kelly was also right behind me in line.
So I entered the plane, found an aisle seat and sat back waiting for all the others to come on board. Kelly also found an aisle seat right in front of me and did the same. Slowly, very slowly, the plane started to fill up--so much so that when the last two people entered the plane there were only 2 empty seats available. One up front, the other way in the back. As luck would have it the same elderly couple I ran into before were the last two people on board.
The seats next to me were taken, but the seat next to Kelly was one of the empty seats. I saw her slowly get up as she saw the couple enter the plane and she waited until they were right next to her when she said, "Here take my seat, the one in the back is too far away, and besides I wouldn't want to split up such a lovely couple."
As the couple once again gave thanks for a friendly person, I opened my bag which contained extra copies of my book. I reached in and pulled out a hardcover copy, autographed it, and handed it to the flight attendant to give to Kelly after take-off.
Much to my surprise the flight attendant addressed what had happened over the intercom...long story short--Kelly got a free book and I was able to sell 50 more thanks to the flight attendant.
Once again, the circle of one good turn deserves another, worked it's magic...
So that's how this will work. I will talk about a chapter from "Sensitivity 101 for the Heterosexual Male" and then share a "good deed" that I encountered from the week. I look forward to your commnets and your experiences, remember we are all in this together!
I hope we can all learn, share and help together!
Till later, Phil
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